


Ai ga Kimagure de aru (Love is a caprice)

by vogue91



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, F/M, Incest, M/M, Movie Reference, One-Sided Attraction, Oral Sex, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 12:19:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14135916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “Maybe Kao-chan likes Haru-chan too?”He would’ve really felt sorry disappointing Honey’s expectations, and he knew that telling him the truth about who he really liked, who he was in love with, would have had the only result of confusing him.





	Ai ga Kimagure de aru (Love is a caprice)

_“Maybe Kao-chan likes Haru-chan too?”_

On a different occasion, perhaps Kaoru would’ve laughed of the usual naivety of Honey, but right now he was completely lacking any will to laugh.

He didn’t even know if, right now, there actually was something he felt like doing.

He felt destroyed, defeated.

It had been months now that he tried to tell himself to get used to this situation, but as much as he tried he couldn’t ignore the shadows on Hikaru’s face, he couldn’t ignore his pain.

It was symmetrical to his own, just like everything else, and yet for once there was something where their likings were different, and it was the most wrong thing in the world.

Kyoya had told him the first time, truth be told, even before he could realize it.

He had been the one to tell him that the way he looked at his brother was far beyond egocentrism, he had been the one to tell him to be careful, that he was going to be burned, that he didn’t have to cause himself any useless pain.

And Kaoru had laughed and ironized, because it was his best defence weapon, and because he still didn’t know how much the older boy was right.

He had realized it then, with time, that very same time that had showed him more than once how worse his mood got every time Hikaru talked to Haruhi, and how happy he was instead when he and his brother were alone, when Hikaru talked to him, when he confided in him, when he hugged him and touched him in those moments became so much a routine that he didn’t even notice anymore.

But Kaoru did, just like he noticed everything, just like he had noticed how with time, Hikaru’s presence had become necessary to him like the air he breathed.

_“Maybe Kao-chan likes Haru-chan too?”_

He would’ve really felt sorry disappointing Honey’s expectations, and he knew that telling him the truth about who he really liked, who he was in love with, would have had the only result of confusing him.

He had always liked simple things, after all, and that love was too complex for Kaoru to explain to himself first, he didn’t even want to imagine what it would’ve been talking about it to other people.

That day, getting back home was a torture.

Hikaru hadn’t said a word for the whole ride, and he hadn’t known or wanted to fill the silence either.

It was like there was a wall between them, as if all the light his brother had been for him during the years had suddenly turned into darkness, and it was something he wasn’t used to, and if he hadn’t loved them he would’ve easily hated Tamaki and Haruhi for it.

Once inside, Hikaru had closed himself up in their room, and Kaoru knew he wasn’t trying to keep him out, but he still wanted to leave him his space.

He felt like been alone too.

Hikaru was the last person he wanted to be with, right now.

 

~

 

Kaoru couldn’t sleep that night.

He kept trying to close his eyes, but every time he did that there was something inside of him that forced him to open them back, that forced him on laying them on Hikaru who, on the contrary, was peacefully sleeping since a few hours in the bed next to his.

Kaoru licked his lower lip, nervous.

He tried to convince himself of the fact that if he could sleep so good, then it couldn’t actually be love what he felt for Haruhi.

Didn’t he feel that weird pain in his chest, wasn’t he tormented by thoughts of her, couldn’t he feel all that sadness knowing that she loved another one, that she could never be his?

And if he felt all that, how was it possible that he could sleep like that at night?

He looked at him, covered in darkness, and he looked beautiful. The dark, blending with the feeble light coming from the window, hit his features, and Kaoru saw clearly on it the same anxiety that his own face wore, but he couldn’t think about anything else that wasn’t the fact that he was sleeping, while to him it was impossible.

He slowly got out of bed, going toward his brother’s with light steps, careful not to wake him up.

He sat on the floor next to him, resting his face on the mattress so that he could look at him, that he could see his expression.

He loved him more than anything else in the world.

Kyoya had told him that loving Hikaru was egocentric, but he was wrong. Ootori couldn’t see all the things that were different in them, no one could, and Kaoru didn’t love a reflection of himself in him, he loved Hikaru for his own way of being unique.

He felt like crying but he held the tears back, aware that once started he wasn’t going to be able to stop.

He raised a hand and brought it on the other’s face, delicate, brushing his cheekbone, going down to his lips, testing the texture of that familiar skin.

Hikaru fidgeted a little bit, but Kaoru wasn’t scared.

He didn’t care about anything anymore, and even if he was to wake up he didn’t need to give any explanation.

Kaoru was at a point of no return, and now all that kept him afloat was lying next to him, and let himself be touched in the unconsciousness of sleep, and he knew he had to settle for that.

He knelt, looking at his brother from above, smiling in a momentary instinct that made him forget all the rest.

And then it all came back, hitting him like a punch on his chest would’ve done, and he felt breathless, and he saw Hikaru and his sad expression, he saw him looking always toward Haruhi, and he saw him acting cold with the same brother that had always been there for him during his whole existence.

He wanted that Hikaru back, he wanted him so bad it hurt.

He leant over him, without a thought to consequences, pressing his lips on his, too determined to hope not to wake him up.

_“Maybe Kao-chan likes Haru-chan too?”_

No, he didn’t like Haru-chan, and it wasn’t about liking either, not anymore.

Kaoru loved Hikaru with all himself, and there was no chance to deny it at this point.

It didn’t take long for his brother to be fully awake.

Kaoru didn’t open his eyes and didn’t allow his lips but a few seconds of contact with his, then he pulled back and dared to look him in the eyes.

“Kaoru, what...” he asked, but the other boy didn’t reply, going back to his bed quickly, turning his back on him.

“Nothing. Nothing happened, Hikaru, go back to sleep.” he said, his voice suffocated by the pillow and the blankets, his eyes clenched in yet another attempt not to cry.

He knew he wasn’t getting out of it so easily, but neither he wanted to read the disgust in his brother’s eyes, to answer uncomfortable questions and reveal what he had kept a secret these past few months.

Not that he didn’t feel ready or didn’t want to take it off his chest, on the contrary.

But he wasn’t crazy yet, and he perfectly knew that Hikaru wasn’t just the man he loved, but he was first of all his brother, and what he felt was so damn wrong that right now he couldn’t help but being disgusted by himself.

He distinctively heard Hikaru getting up from his bed and getting closer, and he tightened his hold on the blankets, as if that thin layer of fabric could actually protect him.

Hikaru sat next to him on the bed, slowly caressing his hip over the sheets.

“Kaoru...” he called him, and the other one wasn’t able through his tone to understand what he was thinking.     

There was... resignation.  Sadness, perhaps, and Kaoru felt the pain in his chest coming back violently.

“Let it go, Hikaru. Nothing... nothing happened. I’m sorry, I’ve acted impulsively.” he justified himself, without believing for a second that his brother could truly ignore what had just gone down.

Hikaru sighed, then was back on his feet and lifting the blankets, laying down on the spacious bed together with him, who still had his back turned on him.

Kaoru held his breath while he felt him pressing against him, while he felt his arms surrounding his waist, and his breath in his ear.

“What is it that you want, Kaoru?” he asked, in a whisper.

Kaoru couldn’t help but let go against his brother’s body, still warm from the bed, tilting his head back and resting it on his shoulder.

“I don’t know, Hikaru. I don’t know what I want. The only think I know it’s that in the past few months all this farce with you and me and love between brothers isn’t a farce anymore for me. I know that every time you’re too close to me, even though I know it’s just an act, I...” he stopped, shaking his head. “I love you, Hikaru. I love you.” he murmured, hoarse, and now he didn’t know if he was actually going to be able to hold back tears.

It happened to fast for Kaoru to ask himself what was actually happening.

Hikaru rested a hand under his chin, delicate and determined at the same time, pulling him to himself and forcing him to turn, before pressing his lips back on his.

It didn’t take but a few seconds before Kaoru found himself smiling under those lips and that kiss, before the turned completely, clinging onto Hikaru’s body, bringing his hands on his face to keep him still against himself, as if he was afraid of feeling him slip through his fingers.

They didn’t say anything once they parted, it wasn’t the right moment, and Kaoru didn’t want to hear how wrong this was, how desperate he must’ve looked in the eyes of his own brother.

He kissed him and touched him, and it was enough to let him know that they both wanted the exact same thing.

He moved enough to let him lay down with his back against the mattress, straddling his hips and leaning over to kiss him again, lifting up then to look him in the eyes, smiling.

He freed him quickly of his clothes while the other did the same with him, and didn’t even linger to look at that body he knew so well, before leaning down to taste him with his mouth, his teeth, his tongue, finding out those little things that still weren’t familiar to him, and he desired nothing more for them to be.

He went lower on him, nosing his cock, finding it already half-hard, determined to compensate and wrapping a hand around its base, while his mouth took care of the rest.

Hikaru spasmed, and his hips thrust to meet his brother’s mouth, and Kaoru was more than willing to let him do whatever he wanted.

He liked it more than he could’ve imagined.

He liked Hikaru’s taste, he liked his chocked moans, he liked his hand through his hair keeping him still against him, moving in his mouth with urgency, as if he couldn’t help it.

He reluctantly pulled back, but once he was getting what he wanted he wanted to have it all, and he wasn’t going to waste his chance.

He took his brother’s place with his back on the mattress, gesturing him to join him and holding his breath while Hikaru knelt beside him, caressing his legs, opening them, settling between them with a slowness that Kaoru found close to torturing.

When his brother brought a hand over his lips he was quick in wrapping his tongue around his fingers, wetting them, tasting them, never stopping to look him in the eyes, and that stare didn’t hurt him anymore, now, when he was sure this was happening.

When the first finger slipped inside of him Kaoru grimaces, breathing deeply to force his body to adjust quickly to the intrusion.

And so it was, and he waited for a second finger and a third, moving against his brother hand, moaning softly when the discomfort turned into pain, but still it didn’t take him long to get used to it, telling Hikaru to stop, telling him with his eyes that it was enough, that he was ready, that he wanted it.

Hikaru nodded, pulling slowly his fingers from him and taking his leg to put it around his hips, while he got on top of him and let his cock tease his brother’s hole. 

“Kaoru... are you...?”

“Yes.” Kaoru interrupted him, before he could finish his sentence. “I’m sure, Hikaru. I...” he grimaced, embarrassed. “I want you.”

And Hikaru didn’t hesitate anymore.

He thrust inside of him, slowly, and Kaoru didn’t know if it was because he was caring for him or if his brother wanted him to feel it all while he got inside of him, but he didn’t care much.

When he was full sheathed inside him he felt good like never before, he felt complete, he felt so happy that he was afraid he couldn’t stop his heart from beating too fast.

Hikaru didn’t keep still for long before starting to push inside of him.

His thrust were hard, confident, and they became almost brutal while they went on, but Kaoru didn’t care.

He could feel his brother’s urgency and it was the same as his own, and he needed it now, needed him to keep thrusting with that same violence inside of him.

He clawed his shoulders, digging his nails into his skin while he felt his brother’s hand on his hip, holding him so tight that he wasn’t going to be surprised then next day, when he would’ve seen the bruises.

Kaoru smiled, he smiled watching Hikaru get to edge, while he brought his hand around his cock and started moving it, bringing his brother to an easy orgasm.

He didn’t remember he had ever felt like this in his whole life: he arched his back, feeling his brother inside of him, feeling like that presence highlighted by his own pleasure, while his hand tightened around his shoulders and he came, moaning lowly and chanting Hikaru’s name.

His brother didn’t let him rest, and he kept moving inside of him, leaning over and biting down on his neck, hard, when he came as well inside of him, just like Kaoru wanted, like that was the perfect conclusion to that desire that had just become real.

His brother’s presence inside of him vanished quickly, but he didn’t complain; he had already had more than he could’ve asked for.

He laid down next to him, his eyes neutral, fixated on the ceiling.

Kaoru got closer, leaning against his chest, hesitating, as if there was something wrong in those eyes, as if he wasn’t sure he wanted him so close.

“Is it everything okay?” he whispered, smiling tentatively.

Hikaru barely smiled back, and Kaoru couldn’t be glad about it.

“Yes. Yes, everything’s fine.” he answered, nodding. He brought a hand behind his back, caressing its whole length, then he closed his eyes, pulling him closer.

Kaoru didn’t say a word, but he enjoyed being held because it was what he wanted, and he wanted Hikaru in his bed that night, and his brother knew all too well.

Then he was caught off guard by a weird feeling of emptiness, and again he felt that oppression and the need to cry, but again he tried to oppose it with all he had, because crying would’ve been ungrateful of him, now.

Hikaru had always spoiled Kaoru anyway he could.

He had always tried to make him happy, as if in his happiness resided a part of his own, and there had never been a whim he hadn’t satisfied.

But this was not a whim, and that Hikaru had chosen to give in to it anyway made him feel... humiliated, somehow.

Hikaru didn’t want him, he was never going to want him, not in that way.

While the darkness wrapped them up, Kaoru felt he was going to drown in it forever, without coming back, because he was going to be there without Hikaru, because his love wasn’t enough for something so wrong and something that, after all, he was never going to want.

Kaoru held on tight on his brother’s body, still trying to make that feeling familiar because, he knew it, in the morning it was going to go away, and he wasn’t going to feel it anymore.

There was going to be only darkness for him.

He loved Hikaru enough that he didn’t want to make him feel forced to satisfy again Kaoru’s desire to be with him forever.


End file.
